Hello 2015

Happy New Year!

I have a feeling this year will be good but quite a difficult one for me for several reasons. There are some personal reasons that I'm not going to get into, there's the shear amount of work and pressure at college to pass my A levels, and there is my personal aim this year which is to start putting myself first and doing more things to improve my health and happiness and less things to damage it. I'm not calling it a new years resolution because I don't want it to just be something I do in the new year, it is an aim because I know it will take time and, once I achieve it, I want to keep it.

I have always been someone who puts other people first, that's not to say I never put myself first, but I rarely do. I spend to much time trying to please other people, that I forget to look after myself and to do what makes me happy. There have been numerous times when I've done something that I know will make me miserable and I dread for days before, but I do it anyway to make others happy. I like to make other people happy, but if it compromises my own happiness then I don't think I should be doing it. That's not to say that I will always put myself first, and never do anything to please other people, it just means, I'm going to make more of an effort to put myself first more often.

We often refuse to let go of a relationship (whatever kind) because it's familiar, you've been close for so long that you want it to last forever, but sometimes relationships fizzle out or become toxic and if you're feeling sad, angry or any other negative emotion more than you feel happy or positive, then maybe it's time to let go. For a while now, there are certain relationships that I know make me miserable, but I struggle to let go of them because I always imagined they'd last forever. In reality, I think I miss the old person and the old memories rather than the present ones. In my head, I know it's time to let go, to move on to new relationships with new people but, I don't know how. That's why part of my aim this year is to find a way to let go of these relationships, and to let go of the people that make me feel miserable. To let go of the one sided friendships, and the people who only talk to me when they want something or the people who I've been there for through thick and thin but have failed to support me when I need it most.

Sorry this wasn't a happy post for a 'happy new year' but I wanted to get this off my chest and have it in writing for myself to look back on and remember well into 2015 and encourage me to stick to my aim.

I hope you have a great 2015 and do the things you love.

Love, Steph x

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