As an 18 year old, people often expect you to enjoy partying and to possibly party a bit too hard sometimes and in a way, there's a pressure to conform to this stereotype.

I love planning family and friend parties and gatherings and often enjoy the actual events, especially when I'm hosting, but the idea of a party among a large group of people fills me with dread. That's not to say I don't enjoy them, I often do, but I do a lot of mentally preparing and go through a whole host of emotions before getting there and before letting myself enjoy it.

The idea of having to enter a room with a large group of people makes my stomach twist into a knot, my heart race and my head spin. That's not to say I can't do it, I can but such a simple thing can be quite difficult, which definitely doesn't help make a party situation any easier.

In the build up to the event, my head plays out a variety of situations and makes sure I have a method of dealing with each of these things should they occur- they rarely do! Once I'm there, I feel very aware of my awkwardness- my inability to confidently hold a conversation, my refusal to get up and dance (if you've seen me dance- you are one of very few) and the way I don't know how or where to position myself. All of it makes me slightly uncomfortable and although I do loosen up and enjoy myself in the end, it takes a while.

Drinking is a whole other issue- I can't get my head around the idea of getting drunk for the sake of getting drunk. I've had people tell me they don't like the taste of something as they down it or telling me not to taste something before drinking it cause it's disgusting- why would I then want to drink it?! If it's not healthy AND it tastes horrible, why would I drink it? If you like the taste and drink it to the point in which you are drunk, I can understand but not when it's done for the sake of it. No disrespect to anyone who does like to drink to get drunk, I personally just can't get my head round it. Being in a room full of people who are intoxicated and don't have control of their actions also puts me on edge and makes me worry more than I should, therefore taking away from the enjoyment of the party.

It also makes me slightly nervous for university as so many university students seem to enjoy the party and clubbing life which definitely isn't my sort of scene so I really hope there are others who share similar interests or have similar attitudes on this matter to me. I actually know quite a few people who share my feelings on this so I'm hoping there will be plenty of others like that once I get to uni as well.

Despite all of this, I do enjoy going to events, especially those with family and good friends so that I'm among a lot of familiar faces that I can feel happy and comfortable around. It also helps if I get there early (this all probably links to why I hate being late as well!) so that the crowd builds up rather than having to walk into a crowded room... it seems a lot less intimidating.

This fear or anxiety surrounding these events doesn't stop me from doing most things but it definitely has its effects.

This has been another rambly post that I hope you've been able to follow and have enjoyed or possibly related to. I just wanted to express my thoughts and potentially find someone who also relates, so if that's you, please let me know in the comments. If you enjoyed this post and want to read more, you can follow my social media links to see when I next upload. Thanks for reading.

Love, Steph x


  1. I totally get it, I'm really dreading the party life at university souly because it's not my scene. Also, big big problem, I have a really bad (legitimate) fear of sick. Me or others it doesn't matter, it puts me in such a panic that I avoid drinking very much at all so I don't feel nauseous. I have this dread that my flat mates are going to get so drunk they throw up in the living room or kitchen.
    Also, I'm scared I'll be isolated due to my ...obvious discomfort with drinking and those under the influence (of anything).

    1. You're not alone in the sickness phobia, I know a few people who relate to that one! I know exactly where you're coming from but I guess it's something that either will or won't happen and there is little point worrying about it or dreading it now and I'm sure the isolation won't be too much of an issue as there will probably be others in a similar position but it's definitely something that plays on your mind! x

  2. I don't get the whole fascination with constant partying either. I wouldn't worry though, because at University there are a lot of people who aren't into drinking a lot either, but there's always a lot of other activities you can do instead :)

    Velvet Blush

    1. I'm glad you can relate too and thank you for the reassurance :P x


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