I Have An Addiction!

There are so many different types of addiction out there: drugs, alcohol, tabacco etc, and whilst I've never fully understand the need to turn to these addictions when there are other solutions (and I don't mean that in a disrespectful way just an honest expression of my thoughts), I've very recently realised that I too have an addiction. Whilst it may not seem as harmful as some of the others and I'd certainly like to think it's not, I'm pretty certain that it's something I become dependent on... My addiction is YouTube.

As I've mentioned in the past, I am a huge fan of YouTube and find it to be one of my favourite pastimes but there are times when I take this love further than your normal hobby. When I get stressed or upset, I work myself into a system, especially when it's at a time when my days are full, in that I get into bed and binge watch YouTube videos for a good few hours, not getting to sleep until the early hours of the morning. This then continues for a few days and the longer it continues, the harder it is to stop. It's not a case of a lack of tiredness; I spend at least an hour keeping myself awake as I feel my eyes trying to close. Instead, I deal with everything in the day and then it gets to night and I feel myself break or my coping limit overfill and to try and combat this, I watch videos that I know will make me happy, especially when I just need something to calm me down or stop the tears. It's not an activity I have to concentrate on but it's enough to take my thoughts away from everything else. It's also a case of feeling like it's the only time I have to enjoy watching videos.
This is when I start to become obsessed with a channel or two in particular and I find myself relying on that person or those people to make me smile. Not that I don't enjoy other things in the day, I do but not in the same destressing way, and whilst it doesn't destress me permanently, it gives me those couple of hours of relief that I need.

I know it's not healthy and I know it's quite solvable but for some reason, I continue to do it and until that stressful or difficult time period is over, I probably won't stop. Of course, this then knocks about my sleeping pattern (which I worked pretty hard to control) and forces me to spend the following few weeks getting it back to normal.

I do have other things and people I turn to in times of need or stress but this seems to be the most consistent and at least it doesn't break the bank like my stress shopping can do!

I'm sorry if this was all over the place, I'm probably not in the best frame of mind to be blogging at the moment but I also felt like if I didn't write it now, either I never would, or I'd forget what it is actually like and therefore what I wanted to discuss. I also think I missed a few things off that I wanted to share but I've forgotten them at the moment and I'm pretty sure I've covered the key ideas.

Am I alone in this addiction, do you have something you rely on? I'd be interested to know! Thank you for reading this post.

Love, Steph x

4 comments

  1. I have the EXACT same thing only my addiction is my own imagination. When I get home I like to go to my own world. A whole world with characters, maps, houses, and laws all in incredible detail with names colours and all! Problem is I spend hours in my world and waste so much time. I actually enjoy waking up early on a weekend just so I can spend a few hours daydreaming! :')

    I totally get what you mean :)

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    1. I'm glad I'm not alone in this. It's weird how these little things can play such a big role in our lives. I love the detail you have in your own world- I wish my imagination was so vivid. Although yes, the time wasting can be a big problem x

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  2. Thank you for writing this. Saying you have a 'youtube addiction' sounds so trivial, like something fan accounts put in their twitter bios, but I suppose this post made me realise that it can be take to extremes. Reading this, I realised that I'm pretty sure I've struggled with the same thing, just with tumblr. Days when I'm upset, I'll sometimes go on tumblr for hours at a time, until late at night, and I don't particularly enjoy it, but it still helps in a way. I haven't done this in a while now, and I didn't quite realise I'd been doing it.

    I hope you're doing okay. I hope you'll manage to fix your sleeping schedule, and I hope you find another way to get through whatever's going on in your life. I'm always here for a chat, if you'd like someone to talk to, or just to take your mind off things.

    theamandaway.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm glad you were able to relate to this and reassure me that I'm not alone! It's crazy how dependent we can be on things without even realising!

      Thank you so much for every word, it really means a lot! x

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